Some 60 years ago over a three-week period in locations almost 1,000 miles apart, three young couples got married in May and June of 1970. Now, these three couples are celebrating their Diamond Anniversaries in Lander.
Mick and Marge Wolfe of Lander, Don and Judy Legerski (originally from Rock Springs), and Nancy and I (transplanted Iowans) got together last week for a celebratory dinner to talk about 180 years of marriage. We have all been friends in Lander for 56 years.
The year 1970 was one of turmoil both in the United States and around the world. That was when we all first met at Holy Rosary Catholic Church in Lander where we were parishioners.
Mick Wolfe was serving in Vietnam when he was called home to take over his dad’s oil well drilling business. His dad Frank Wolfe had been mayor of Lander when he was killed in a plane crash.
Don and Judy were high school sweethearts in Rock Springs.
Nancy and I were a couple of naïve kids in love in western Iowa.
Friendship Is Key
When we discussed how it is possible to stay married for 60 years, we all agreed that we were friends before falling in love. And that friendship carried through all these years.
What is better in life than to laugh together? And sadly, to cry together when bad things happen.
These three couples have now been married for six decades. When we tied the knot back in 1966, I don’t think any of us were doing much math about what 60 years would look like. At that age, you are mostly just hoping you can make it to the next paycheck and maybe afford a couch that doesn’t come from somebody’s basement.
And yet, here we are.
Sixty years later, still together. Still talking. Still laughing. And yes, still occasionally arguing about things that probably don’t matter much, but seemed mighty important at the time.
If there is any secret to a long marriage, I suppose it starts with this: you just keep showing up.
That sounds overly simple, but it is the truth. You show up on the good days, and you show up on the bad days. You show up when you feel like it, and especially when you don’t.
One Billion Seconds
These three couples are blessed to be among the 1% who have been married for sixty years. Just how long is that:
- 6 decades
- 60 years
- 720 months
- 3,130 weeks
- 21,925 days
- 525,960 hours
- 31,557,600 minutes
- 1,893,456,000 seconds
Now has every second been pleasant? Has every minute or hour been marital bliss? Not exactly.
My wife is a stubborn German and I am free-flowing Irishman. Yes, there have been some classic moments of terrible disagreements. Luckily, now we can look back at them and smile.
Nancy and I are very different people. That could have been a problem, but instead it became a strength. She is practical and a “do it now” person. I am less so. I am what could be called deadline galvanized. She thinks things through. I tend to jump first and figure it out later.
Over time, you learn to appreciate those differences instead of fighting them.
Now, I am not going to pretend that 60 years has been one long honeymoon. Anyone who tells you that is forgetting a few things.
Another important rule told to me: don’t keep score. If you start keeping track of who did what or who owes who, you are heading down a road that leads to disaster.
Maintain Good Humor
We love to laugh together. If you can’t laugh together, you are missing one of the best parts of marriage. Some of our best times have come not from big events, but from small, everyday things that just struck us as funny.
And then there is the matter of time.
Sixty years means you go through a lot of seasons together. You are young. Then you are not so young. You raise kids. Then suddenly, you are grandparents. You go from trying to build a life to looking back on the life you built.
Somewhere along the way, you realize how fast it all went. That may be the biggest surprise of all.
If I had one more piece of advice, it would be this: don’t rush it.
Enjoy the stages as they come. The early years are exciting, but they are also hard. The middle years are busy, sometimes too busy. And the later years, well, they come with their own set of challenges.
But they also come with perspective.
Today, when I look at Nancy, I don’t just see the young woman I married. I see the mother of our children, the grandmother of our grandchildren and great grandchildren, and the partner who has been there through it all.
That kind of history means something. It is not flashy. It is not always easy. But it is real.
And in a world where so many things seem temporary, there is something comforting about that.
So, what is the secret to 60 years of marriage? There is no single answer.
But here are a few ideas that have worked for us:
Show up. Be patient. Laugh often. Don’t keep score.
Say “you’re right” more than you think you should.
And most of all, remember why you started.
Sixty years ago, Nancy and I (and the Wolfe’s and the Legerski’s) made a commitment. We didn’t know exactly what it would look like, but we decided to take the journey together.
I’m sure glad we did. And if I had it to do all over again, I would make the same choice.
In a heartbeat.
Bill can be reached at Bill@CowboyStateDaily.com
