Ask a kid, any kid, what he or she wants the most.
When you get past the cotton candy and the shiny objects, boys and girls alike want to live with their own mothers and fathers in homes filled with love.
That’s the focus of Family Month.
Kids confirm this focus in a thousand ways. Notice how a newborn responds to its mother unlike to any delivery nurse. Go to the soccer field and watch how kids scan the sidelines for dad’s approval.
These longings are not ideological. They are natural. And they follow children into adult life. Zero adult issues are caused by a loving, two-parent childhood. But broken homes are a regular subject of conversation among adults who seek counsel and emotional healing from childhood harms.
Young parents who vow to give their child a better childhood than they experienced are usually referring to an intact home. That’s why family formation is so vital. While a stable and loving home with mother and father is not a panacea for every childhood trauma, it is never the cause of one.
Family Month is here to remind us of these realities. Before we get caught up in the politics of chaos and social upheaval, we should consider how threats to the family harm kids. That is why people who care for children care for marriages.
- Parents want their kids to get married because they want their grandchildren to have the best start to life.
- Neighbors aren’t nosy to watch out for child abuse or neglect.
- States have a legitimate interest in passing marriage laws that protect children from the harm of a broken home.
Even laws about drugs and alcohol are not only about individual vices. They are about families. If somebody is poisoning himself in total isolation, that’s bad enough. But we are never really alone. Substance abuse always affects the family - whether the abuse is by the children or the parents.
It’s hard enough to hold families together even under good circumstances. But when you add alcoholism or drug abuse to the equation, problems in the home easily spin out of control.
The first thing to notice about threats to the family is that the children are powerless. Only the adults have power to protect children from the adversity of divorce, neglect, or abuse. And the first line of defense is self-control.
If you are engaged in behavior that negatively impacts your home, you have the power of repentance. Use it to the advantage of your children. If you need help to get out of a destructive rut, God provides you with extended family, neighbors and the church. Reach out to them - if not for your own sake, then for your children’s sake.
Once you have helped yourself, you are in a better position to help others. Family formation has been under assault for decades. So, there is plenty to do. You can get started by befriending and encouraging colleagues at work, or neighbors down the block.
Satan’s favorite trick is to put a spotlight on their spouse’s shortcomings and to paint the relationship as hopeless. You can help them by changing the focus. Put the spotlight on the kids. Give them a clear reason to work out the problem. And give them reason to know that it is not hopeless.
Remind them that because God loves their children, He also promises to help them in their marriage. That, after all, is why vows are taken in church. It’s not just a pretty setting. Church-vows ask God to uphold the union that he has made. And the couple asks the congregation to support and encourage them in this holy endeavor.
As I write these words on the 66th wedding anniversary of my own parents, I am counting the blessings that their marriage gave to me. Marriage is not merely about adult desires. It is about the children that it brings into the world.
“Them Before Us” is an excellent resource in this regard. It gets its name by the slogan: “putting children’s rights before adult desires.” It exists to re-center our thoughts about marriage, human life, and family formation. By reminding us of what is most important, it better positions us to participate in conversations about public policy.
Once we remember that the deepest need of every child is for his or her parents to be living under the same roof in a loving and stable relationship, we will want laws to support such families. Them Before Us has resources that help us evaluate issues like marriage, cohabitation, divorce, IVF, and surrogacy through a child-centric lens.
During this Family Month, this column will take up some of these topics. You can use this time as an opportunity to refocus on the family that you have been given to love and care for.
Jonathan Lange is a Lutheran Church—Missouri Synod pastor in Evanston and Kemmerer and serves the Wyoming Pastors Network. Follow his blog at https://jonathanlange.substack.com/. Email: JLange64@protonmail.com.
