If this isn't the wackiest ding-dong election of our lifetimes, you can butter my backside and call me a biscuit.
I'll eat my hat. Feel free to call me a monkey's uncle.
Consider the evidence:
Asa Hutchinson, who is struggling mightily to get to single digits in the polls, insists that Donald Trump, who consistently polls at over 50 percent, drop out of the race. Earth to Asa, Earth to Asa. Come in Asa.
Chris Christie - who closed beaches in New Jersey during Covid, then was pictured on a beach chair with his family on the closed beach - has re-emerged as a presidential candidate. His hatred for Trump apparently fuels the ability of Americans to forgive and forget.
Former Vice President Mike Pence found a way during the first Republican debate to be both boring and abrasive, repeatedly interrupting other candidates. Pence could market himself as a sleep aid.
Candidate Vivek Ramaswamy took a shot at candidate named Nikki Haley over her name. Haley gets credit for responding that some attacks are simply too stupid to warrant response.
They impeached Trump (the first time) for saying Ukraine officials should look into funny business by the Bidens. But now it turns out that funny business by the Bidens was going on, and we all have Joe's own words memorized, admitting it: “Well, the guy got fired! Son of a (forgive me, gun)!” Those with any shred of memory left are saying, “Wait, wasn't that what they impeached Trump for?”
Liz Cheney, who had an impressive record voting for Trump measures before deciding he was evil incarnate, is participating in an upcoming leadership series that also features Anthony Fauci, Bill Nye and Stacey (election denier) Abrams. Oh Liz, we hardly knew ye.
Molly Ball wrote an article in Time Magazine detailing how democrats pulled it off, defeating Trump in 2020 with every maybe legal trick in the book, changing laws, profiting from Covid fears, and fast-tracking mail-in voting and vote harvesting. But if skeptics dare say democrats pulled anything off, they are dubbed tin-foil-hat conspiracy theorists. The question remains, did they pull something off, as Ball wrote, or not?
One pundit observed that after the election of 2020, conspiracy theories could be more accurately described as spoiler alerts.
Seventy seven percent of Americans think Biden is too old to run for a second term, demonstrating an amazing grasp of the incredibly obvious. But hatred for Donald Trump is so intense that they would elect Moses, who lived 600 years, over a brash braggart like Trump.
Biden's popularity hovers in the 30-40 percent range (who are these people, anyway?), and his vice president (who stands a distinct actuarial chance of becoming president if Biden is re-elected) is even more unpopular. Could it be that we hate brash braggarts (who nevertheless get pretty good results) this much?
Rush Limbaugh (don't you miss him?) once said the deep state bureaucracy in Washington would make an example of Trump, sending this message to Americans who voted for Trump:
Don't you ever do this again!
They impeached Trump the second time for allegedly trying to overturn an election (came up puny in the Senate, again), while today our Democrat friends are trying to interfere with the coming election by tying up their most likely opponent with four indictments and 91 felony charges.
And they might get away with it.
Crusty old Republicans like me are actually interested in what Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has to say. He thinks vaccines should be proven safe before approval, at a time when those who shunned experimental vaccines were deemed selfish villains.
When guys like me find a Kennedy interesting, lions are no doubt lying down with lambs, pigs have taken wing, and monkeys are flying out of our cabooses. Beware the plague of locusts.
The indicted guy who is most comfortable in a debate, who loves to dish it out and has pet nicknames for his opponents, didn't appear in the first debate, and says he's not coming to the second. With such a huge lead on his GOP opponents, why debate?
We have entered the realm of the neo-weird, friends.
Beam me up, Scotty. I've seen it all now.