By Dave Simpson, Cowboy State Daily columnist
We’re a month into this Coronavirus imbroglio – probably the worst case of cabin fever we have ever suffered – and you have to wonder how long this can go on.
Some thoughts from solitary confinement:
– I live in one of the eight states that are not currently under “shelter in place” orders. The governor of Wyoming has urged us to stay home, but hasn’t ordered us to shelter in place. And he gets right testy when asked about it.
Reporters and many Democrats (they’ve got a lot in common) suspect we’re not doing our part. Why haven’t we joined the other 42 states, they ask, in issuing a shelter in place order? Our local paper ran a long editorial last Sunday, beseeching the governor to order us to shelter in place.
What are folks in those other states doing, however, that we’re not? Beats me.
Our schools are closed. The university is closed. Churches are closed. Restaurant dining areas are closed. Coffee shops are closed. Bars are closed. Exercise gyms are closed. The library is closed. Bank lobbies are closed. Barber shops are closed. Beauty shops are closed. You can’t even get a commemorative Coronavirus tattoo or piercing, because those joints are closed, too.
You can still go to the grocery store, but try finding a bottle of hand sanitizer.
I don’t know how to shelter in place any more than I’m already sheltering in place. I’m as hunkered as I can hunker.
Even rock star doctor Anthony Fauci said last week that folks in our state are doing a good job avoiding each other. (It’s easy. We have tons of distance, and people are scarce as hen’s teeth.)
So, what’s all this “shelter in place” fuss about?
– Speaking of rock stars, if the barber shops stay closed for much longer, I’m going to look like Meatloaf.
My wife cut our son’s hair, but he wears his hair like a recruit at basic training. Cutting his hair is about as complicated as mowing the lawn. She wanted to cut my hair, but I said, “Uh, no thanks.”
My father cut my hair when I was a kid, and whatever directions you gave him, you always got a crew cut. Every time. One time I said I wanted sideburns like Elvis, and he laughed out loud.
The barbershops better reopen before a man bun becomes an option.
– I’m wearing a mask when I’m at the grocery store. I get a little dizzy if I wear it too long, and my glasses fog up. (In scuba diving, they teach you to spit in your mask to keep it from fogging, but that’s not an option here.)
Wearing a mask takes some getting used to, but an old saying comes to mind:
“Nobody’s going to get down off his horse” to notice that I’m wearing a mask.
It’s the least we can do.
– To stay busy, I’ve cleaned out the file cabinet, tossed out old magazines and newspapers, tested the sump pump (it works), serviced the lawn mower, cleaned off my workbench, made peanut butter cookies, read four books, made onion soup, finished watching “Breaking Bad,” and started watching “Making a Murderer.”
This is an amazing opportunity – time to get things done. I’ve even hung a tennis ball on a string from the ceiling of the garage, so I know exactly where to park my pickup.
You can’t get much more organized than that.
– Little things can become issues when cooped up like this.
My wife and son pick their favorite jelly beans out of the jar, leaving the rejects for me.
It’s starting to get on my nerves.
– President You Know Who caught a lot of flak for saying it, but didn’t we all want this to be over by Easter? Was that so crazy? And don’t we all hope that HCQ drug helps people with this disease? And don’t we all want businesses to reopen and everyone to get back to work? Don’t we?
Our politics, however, have become so hateful and deranged that expressing any optimism at all is politically incorrect.
Didn’t these folks once embrace “hope and change?”
I guess it depends on who’s president.
Dave Simpson can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org