Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “These lawmakers who are worried about default are the very people who crammed their precious $1.7 trillion, 4,155-page “omnibus” budget bill full of porky “earmark” crap just last month.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “If you get a chance, spend a day at the beautifully-restored Wyoming Capitol while the legislative session is underway. It’s stunning. And it’s never a bad idea to sit up in the gallery and get a look at how the legislative sausage is made.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “It’s a long shot, in a world controlled up to now by the pigs at the trough, but last week’s ‘chaos’ could result in something really good.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “Checking in on the $1.7 trillion omnibus spending spree, lewd drag queens and little kids, and Wyoming’s apparent proliferation of “crazies” (like us).”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “One thing I’ll remember about 2022 is it was the year we canceled our local newspaper…”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “Ever had a job where you could fail to submit a budget on time for 26 years, run up a huge debt, and still remain employed? Me neither.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “For years we had natural Christmas trees, and my wife took the kids into town while I struggled to get the tree up, so the kids wouldn’t learn new words from dad.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “I hope Sen. Anthony Bouchard will continue to address the needs of his district and our state, and forego his pursuit of slime balls and swamp monsters.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “Wyoming has an abundance of quality libraries and friendly librarians. But for the best, come to Cheyenne.”
Columnist Dave Simpson got his start at the Laramie Boomerang 49 years ago this week. He covered everything from cattle mutilations and UFOs, failed prison escapes, and an intoxicated Easter bunny getting arrested.
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “One year we had TV dinners for Thanksgiving. The kids loved it. They could have whatever they wanted, and they chose macaroni and cheese.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “Rep. James Clyburn of South Carolina said a Republican wave would be tantamount to Hitler taking over the country. Maybe the limp showing by Republicans will result in some lesser despot emerging, say a Benito Mussolini, a Fidel Castro, or a Papa Doc.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “After almost three years of vilifying us over one often contradictory decree after another, the folks who made no secret of their frustration with us – even firing some for not taking an experimental vaccine – now those folks want understanding. I don’t think so.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “Just once in the horrible surveillance videos we see of innocent people being beaten to within an inch of their lives, I long to see someone with the ability and the tools necessary to fight back.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “Why WOULDN’T there be a big Republican wave on Nov. 8th? Imagine looking around and saying, ‘I gotta get me more of THIS!'”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “Call me paranoid, but when the president who can’t figure out which side of the stage to exit from, and who shakes hands with people who aren’t there – when that guy talks about being on the brink of nuclear Armageddon, I get nervous.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “When did wanting safe streets, fiscal restraint, smaller government, secure borders, and letting our kids remain innocent for as long as possible – when exactly did those things become extreme?”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “Asking questions about vaccines or the 2020 election or what to call Latino people can get you branded as a ‘domestic terrorist,’ or a ‘white supremacist.’ And maybe prosecuted in California.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “You know the party’s over when the hummingbirds suddenly disappear…”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “When Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was asked about President Biden’s screwy decision to wipe out $10,000 to $20,000 of most student loans – on our dime – she said it wasn’t enough. Not nearly enough! What do you say to an entitled brat like that?”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “The only criticism I had with the Queen was those Corgis. Make me King and I’m going down to the London Pound and getting at least two black Labrador Retrievers (the Cadillac of Dogs), maybe more.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “If you think you know better than the voters of Wyoming (which didn’t work out well for Cheney), let me paraphrase Jeff Foxworthy: Then you may be a RINO!”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “I’m a creature of habit, so most summer afternoons, up high in the Snowy Range, you’ll find me listening to the Medicine Bow River, keeping an eye out for moose. And whistle pigs.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “Unless Liz opens the Captain Ahab Institute for the Pursuit of The Great White Donald Trump Whale in Jackson Hole, I predict our news media appeal will quickly fade.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “We’re witnessing all-out efforts on multiple fronts to keep the guy 70 million of us voted for from ever being president again, despite the many good things that happened when he was president.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “I was 67 when my first grand daughter was born, and 69 when her little sister arrived. Suddenly, things like highchairs, stuffed toys, and a wayward pacifier found under a bed, started showing up at our house.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “Now we’re begging the Saudis to boost oil production, instead of unleashing our domestic energy industry. The mind boggles.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “This past weekend, gas at Buford was $4.15 a gallon. I never thought I’d see that as a bargain, but then we’d never had fossil fuel-hostile Joe Biden as president before.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “If this is the best the adults in the room can do – runaway inflation, gasoline prices through the roof, chaos at the border with Mexico, enough deadly fentanyl streaming in to kill us all, a thwarted murder plot against a Supreme Court justice, prosecutors who don’t prosecute, and a nonstop stream of confusing word salad from our president and vice president?”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “Cheyenne guy and Casper guy can’t figure out why Liz Cheney is on such a crusade against Trump, while representing a state where the former president got 70 percent of the vote – highest of any state.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “Some of us are old enough to remember the Watergate hearings back in the summer of 1973. Trust me on this: The January 6th ‘hearings’ ain’t no Watergate hearings. “
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “The average American buys 400 gallons of gas a year, so three months of relief with Joe Biden’s gas tax pause of 18 cents a gallon comes to a total of $18. Enough for three more gallons. Don’t quit your day job, folks.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “The problem with Rep. Liz Cheney’s Captain Ahab-like determination to see that Donald Trump never gets anywhere near the Oval Office again (her words) is that Trump was so much better at the job of being president than President Joe Biden.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “Maybe something strong from the brewery can help us forget Joe’s $4.69 gasoline. Wyoming’s at it’s best this time of year. It’s worth the price of gasoline to get out and about.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “As of Monday morning, the government reporting station at Sand Lake in the Medicine Bow National Forest showed 50 inches of snow still on the ground – four feet, two inches.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “A high school graduation party for a young man I shadowed on his first day walking home from grade school reminds me that it’s time for Dave’s Hard-Learned Lessons for the Grads.”
Columnist Dave Simpson write: “We’re lucky in Wyoming, where most who head off to Washington stay for a few terms, then come home to the state they’ve professed to love for years. Most don’t go native in Washington, and that’s a good thing. (Sadly, Mike Enzi didn’t get much time to enjoy life back home before his tragic accident.)”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “Crazy increases in property values shouldn’t result in crazy windfalls to government. Taxing bodies need to live in the real world, with the rest of us.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: State party politics is sort of a hobby – like spelunking, or flying model airplanes – with little connection to everyday conservatives who just want smaller government, fewer regulations, lower taxes, secure borders, less crime, inflation relief, and a whole lot less of this “woke” insanity.
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “We’re the expendables, and as the home of Warren Air Force Base, overseeing 150 silos here and another 300 in Montana and North Dakota, we’re no doubt leading the list of expendables.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “‘This is absolutely the LAST DOG we’re ever going to have,’” my wife proclaims on a pretty regular basis. “’And I mean it!’”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “Let’s talk about something other than war and politics this week, because, like, everyone needs a ding-dong break now and then.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “Seven out of ten Wyoming voters supported Trump. But on some important issues, the majority of lawmakers are far more squishy, more milquetoast, more spineless than your average Trump supporter.”
Dave Simpson writes that the Cheyenne newspaper gave the Legisature an F because they failed to raise taxes, cash-in on free Medicaid expansion money, didn’t spend as much humanly possible on American Rescue Plan Act money, and talked about silly issues like prohibiting guys from competing on girls’ athletic teams.
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “Years ago, I asked some off-duty airmen if they could turn the keys required to launch nuclear missiles, and one said, ‘By the time I get that order, I figure my girlfriend is already dead and my stereo is toast. So yes, I could.’”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “I was a couple days early in my visit to the Senate gallery, and missed the action-packed afternoon when they tied my senator to the mast and flogged him with the cat of nine tails, removing him from his committees for being an unrepentant scoundrel.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “The guy who represents me, and other constituents from eastern Laramie County clear up to Torrington, is held in serious contempt by the powers that be, and that’s why our senator no longer serves on any committees. You might say he got ‘Pelosied.'”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “Surveillance video of that bumping incident in February between two Wyoming state senators, both Republicans, is downright underwhelming. It’s clearly no Zapruder film.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “Last week young persons from Laramie were over here at the Legislature, threatening to leave Wyoming if the state passes a law that biological males (we called them ‘guys’) can’t compete against biological females (we called them ‘girls’) in athletics.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “moved on to a spirited debate about some issue. A reporter for another paper got the names mixed up, and her story had the deceased lawmaker participating enthusiastically in the debate.”
17256 Keep Reading | 993 words
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “It’s colder than a well-digger’s boots outside, and the wind is howling. Time for some of my favorite Wyoming memories to warm up by the fire.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “I know Liz Cheney thinks Trump plotted an insurrection, but as coups go, what happened on January 6th was a slapdash, screwball, knuckle-headed, out-of-control embarrassment.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “You can’t help notice that here in Wyoming, where we’re probably the least likely to see trouble break out, we’re among the best prepared to defend ourselves if trouble DOES break out.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “How I feel about Liz Cheney isn’t influenced by how many county Republican party groups censure her, fail to recognize her walking down the street, or take back her secret GOP decoder ring. What they do has nothing to do with how this former supporter feels about Liz (it’s not good)…”
Columnis Dave Simpson writes: “Let’s tie up some loose ends as last year disappears over the horizon, and the new year lumbers ominously into place”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “Has there ever been a better time to stay home than this time of year in Wyoming? To put your favorite chair in front of the fireplace, open a good book, and put a pot of chili on the stove for dinner?”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “What did we learn in 2021? My first lesson would be to avoid the supposition that any year will be better than the prior year.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “It was only after the obituary I wrote for my mother had appeared in the newspaper six years ago that I learned a fascinating detail: She once baked a cherry pie for Amelia Earhart.”
ask me (and I notice you didn’t), the jury system has shone in recent verdicts for Kyle Rittenhouse, against those three knuckleheads in Georgia and against the truly ridiculous Jussie Smollett.
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “I learned pretty quickly not to mention my vaccine status in polite company. People who have been vaccinated get really ticked off when they hear you haven’t gotten the shot, the second shot, and now the booster. They figure you’re Typhoid Mary, selfish, a menace.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “Whenever you hear politicians – Democrats are the worst, but Republicans aren’t much better – talk about making ‘investments,’ my advice is to go down in your basement or storm cellar and stay there until the all-clear is sounded”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “Gone are the days when the news media at least tried to avoid convicting the accused before a judge or jury had a chance to reach a verdict.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “I wouldn’t want to be on that jury in Kenosha. But experience tells me that whatever happens is in the best possible hands – the hands of 12 jurors.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “Our progressive friends want electric cars, not the dirty fuels that will provide a good share of the electricity for electric cars.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: – “‘Republicans can’t dance,’ an old pal from my Casper Star-Tribune days told me many years ago…”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “Suddenly, I don’t hear much from my Democrat friends about competence and the adults in the room.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “William Shatner said this week that the tough thing about going into space – where no 90-year-old man had gone before – was getting in and out of the chair in the space capsule here on earth.”
If you were surprised to learn that a person who once assisted people who spiked trees to endanger loggers now heads the Bureau of Land Management, you might be even more surprised to learn who has been nominated by feisty President Joe Biden to be comptroller of the nation’s banking system:
Dave Simpson says: Neither is Laramie, where I lived for six years back in the 1970s. There’s nothing typically Wyoming about our only university town, where 11,000 students goose the dickens out of the economy every August through June. And it has one of the best downtown business districts in the state.
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer was in a snit last week (he does snits better than anyone), fulminating at Republicans who were refusing to go along with Democrats in the latest installment of the raising-the-debt-ceiling clown-car show.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “If I really wanted to know what was going on – who was mad at whom, who was about to quit, what caused that new dent in the company van, and the very juiciest gossip – I would ask a smoker. They usually had the answer, and would roll their eyes that the boss was always the last to know.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “So I’ve learned my lesson well. We prefer doddering, incomprehensible incompetence over mean tweets. Jot that down.”
Columnist Dave Simpson is celebrating his 50th year of writing newspaper columns.
The very large shoes of Rush Limbaugh are being replaced (not filled) by a number of able talk radio practitioners. And in much of Wyoming, we have impressive access to some of the best.
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “The breaking news from my little patch of woods high in the Snowy Range of Wyoming is that a black bear made off with my neighbor’s six pack of Miller Lite beer last Friday.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “Things used to slow down in August, as the luminaries, dandies, high-rollers and poohbahs of politics and media decamped to The Hamptons to sip wine and nibble crudites.
No such luck this year. Let’s touch some bases:”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “Get off the interstates, folks, especially this month when Wyoming is at its most spectacular.”
Dave Simpson writes: They asked if it was true that everyone in Wyoming owns a gun, and he said pretty much, but many of us have multiple guns, showing them the 30-30 Winchester in his truck.
We keep seeing reports that in San Francisco, you can walk into a Walgreens, a Target, a TJ Maxx, or any other store, grab up to $949.99 worth a merchandise, brazenly walk out the door without paying, and you won’t face a felony charge. Not long ago, they raised the threshold for felony charges from $450 to $950.
Dave Simpson goes through some emails he got after last week’s column.
Years ago, I moved from Wyoming to Colorado (it was temporary), but still spent lots of time in the Wyoming mountains. I had to buy Colorado license plates, and noticed a distinct drop-off in the number of folks who greeted me with a friendly wave.
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “If a guy took you to a golf tournament and every time a golfer hit the ball he screamed “IN THE HOLE!” would you ever go out with that person again? “
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “As God-fearing loyal Americans, we decided to do our part to defeat COVID-19 by following the pleas of our leaders in Washington, and spend every penny they send us in COVID relief, as fast as possible, so the virus will know we MEAN BUSINESS”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “What I want, and I think my ornery neighbor agrees, is a president who can match Trump’s accomplishments (unlike the mess we have in Washington today) while outmaneuvering the ferocious opposition that awaits any Republican president.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “Given our open southern border, crime in our big cities, the wild federal spending spree, consider the possibility that we are led by idiots.”
On evolving language, columnist Dave Simpson writes: “I was working for a company that was bought by a bigger company and suddenly everyone was yakking about how combining things here and there in ‘clusters’ (don’t laugh) would ‘create synergy.'”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “Any day now, I’ll get word that the snow at 9,800 feet along the front range of the Rocky Mountains has melted from a winter high of as much as 120 inches – a roof-busting 10 feet – to something far less.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “Sprinkle this advice in with the boring stuff you get during your commencement ceremony, and maybe you won’t buy an expensive time-share at some resort.”
Columnist Dave Simpson writes: “Liz Cheney abhors the guy she agreed with 92 percent of the time? The guy I agreed with about 92 percent of the time? The guy who seemed to be getting some good results?”
Columnist Dave Simpson wonders what in the Sam Hill does “what in the Sam Hill” mean…