It’s often said not to pet the fluffy cows in Yellowstone National Park. But what about saluting these prehistoric wild creatures of the West with a shot of whiskey instead?
That’s more or less the concept behind an ephemeral tasting room set to appear in the Wyoming wilderness near Yellowstone National Park next year, sometime between May and June during the nation’s 250th anniversary.
Called Perfectly Untamed, the event is a collaboration between Kentucky’s Buffalo Trace Distillery and the Buffalo Field Campaign, the latter being a conservation group that advocates for saving and strengthening the wild bison herd at Yellowstone National Park.
Proceeds from the event will be used to support efforts to protect and restore wild buffalo and their natural habitat, Buffalo Field Campaign Board President Justine Sanchez told Cowboy State Daily.
“Our shared mission with this campaign is to raise awareness, bringing more people into the story of America’s last wild bison,” Sanchez said. “Perfectly Untamed is the next step in that partnership, giving guests a way to enjoy a tasting experience like no other, while connecting directly with the wild landscapes.”
Whiskey-Laced Stories
There are just 12 seats in all for the event, which will be a one-time, ephemeral experience, Buffalo Trace Distillery’s global brand director Andrew Duncan told Cowboy State Daily.
The tasting room itself will be special. It’s a custom-built room with floor-to-ceiling glass walls. It will be placed in a secure and secret location where bison are roaming free.
“They can see you, you can see them, that’s part of the thrill, right?” Duncan said. “We’re going to be conducting this tasting, mind you, in a well-controlled environment. But we wanted to have the floor-to-ceiling glass windows to really bring in the breathtaking backdrop and the buffalo’s natural habitat.”
Each two-hour tasting will include two guests at a time, who will take a whiskey-laced journey with Buffalo Trace Visitor Lead Freddie Johnson. He is a well-known figure in whiskey circles.
“Guests will spend about two hours with me,” he told Cowboy State Daily in an email. “Private tasting, a couple of cocktails, and, naturally, a whole lot of stories.”
Johnson remembers when his dad and former master distiller Elmer T. Lee would meet up at the Buffalo Trace Distillery “holding court” to exchange stories and chat with anyone who was around.
“Those moments were authentic and driven by the environment they were in,” Johnson said. “That’s the same approach I have taken when guiding tours for the past 20+ years. It’s not about the destination. It’s about the journey and the things you learn about people and yourself along the way.”
Bison Mourn Their Dead
Bison education will be part of the experience, Sanchez said.
First things first. Both buffalo and bison are considered correct terms for the species, regardless of what naming snobs might say, Sanchez said.
“Buffalo is the popular name for North American bison, whose scientific name is bison,” she said. “More importantly, buffalo have many names given to them from the buffalo cultures who evolved with them.”
They are considered a keystone species, Sanchez added, as they are “vital to the survival of all the other life that resides in their habitat.”
Sanchez says the Yellowstone National Park herd is the last, continuously wild, free-roaming buffalo herd left in the world.
“The Yellowstone bison represent resilience and perseverance for the entire species, as well as for all of us who depend on those traits as we move forward,” she said. “On a deeper level, buffalo represent the heartbeat of the North American continent.
"The thunder of their hooves across the plains would last for weeks as a herd would pass through. That song lives within each of us. And when we see an image of a buffalo, like on Buffalo Trace Whiskey, a sense of awareness awakens in us. We are drawn to the buffalo.”
Buffalo are gentle animals, Sanchez added.
“Most of the time they just want to graze and go about their business,” she said. “They aren’t naturally aggressive and will only act defensively if provoked. They are also social animals, living in herds and they rely on their group for safety.”
They will mourn lost family members, too, Sanchez added.
“When one dies, we have witnessed the herd circling around or walking by in procession to seemingly offer their final prayers or goodbyes to their lost herd mate,” she said.
Ensuring Safety
The Perfectly Untamed tasting room will be temporary and low-impact, in keeping with a leave-no-trace concept, Duncan said.
“We’ll be working closely with local conservation experts and the Buffalo Field Campaign,” he said. “This is what they do. This is their mission. We’ll ensure every element of the experience respects and protects the land and wildlife and also keeps the guests safe.”
Regarding safety measures, however, there were lots of promises but few details. Some of the protocols are still being worked out, and the enclosure itself is still being built, Buffalo Trace Distillery spokeswoman Christi Cahill explained.
“The guests will remain within the enclosed tasting room and the designated areas throughout the entire experience, to ensure a secure, respectful experience to the buffalo and also the safety of the guests,” she said. “The Buffalo Field Campaign will be lending their time and expertise to ensure we are protecting the bison, the habitat, the land.
"We’re working closely with them on the actual location from a setup standpoint, as well as for our consumer safety during the actual activation.”
Site safety managers will also be present throughout the event and “prepared for anything,” Cahill added.
“I think some of the ‘how’ has to be left to the magic and left to the vendor,” Duncan said. “And we’ll reveal more of that as we actually get on site and start the activation.”
With The Fury Of Sun Tzu
The safety aspect of the tasting room is actually not a trivial matter, considering the glass-walled venue will apparently be sharing its temporary neighborhood with 2,000-pound animals that have been known to charge at or toss tourists around when they feel those tourists have come too close to their herd.
It makes sense that bison don’t really fear humans in the least little bit, considering that these are wild creatures who aren’t unfamiliar with standing up for themselves against much larger beasts than humans, including some that have sharp claws and sharper teeth.
It doesn’t help clawless, dull-toothed humans, either, that bison are deceptively quick and notoriously unpredictable when they do decide to attack.
Sun Tzu may well have been speaking of bison when he said, “Let your plans be dark and impenetrable as night, and when you move, fall like a thunderbolt.”
Because that’s exactly what bison do.
Cats will flatten their ears, dogs will growl a warning, snakes may rattle or hiss before an attack.
But bison will be grazing one second, peaceful as can be, and charging with the fury of Sun Tzu the next, with no sound and no warning at all.
The De-Pantsing Of The Century
Social media already has a plethora of videos showing what happens to foolish humans who fail to respect that cute and fuzzy “fluffy” cows aren’t nearly as slow as they appear, nor soft, nor cuddly, nor interested at all in having a human walk up to them to touch them.
Like the video of a bison twirling a woman in the air after she went up to pet it.
Her belt buckle became entwined with the bull’s horn in an instant, and the bull proceeded to run around with her, shaking his head up, down, and all around until he had finally de-pantsed her.
The lesson was not yet over, harsh as it had already been. The bull then ran off with the woman’s pants like it was some kind of valuable trophy. It was, in fact. Because in them were still her car keys.
Someone was eventually able to retrieve her pants and her keys.
And she did survive her encounter with 2,000 pounds of summary justice. Albeit with bruised dignity.
The video of her de-pantsing will live forever on the World Wide Web, and the occasion was even memorialized with a snow sculpture.
Men Do No Better
But it’s not just women who are at risk here. Guys don’t fare any better, even if they happen to be large dudes.
Like the video of a macho man who tried intimidating a bison by growling at it, apparently thinking that would dissuade it from charging.
In the video, it appears the bison was willing to ignore the man, but he kept taunting it. When the bison heard human growling and saw the man hulking out his shoulders to look bigger, the creature decided the impertinent invader needed a lesson and charged at him.
It’s just one of hundreds of videos that are easy to find with a quick Google search, capturing near-fatal — and sometimes actually fatal — stupidity for all to see.
Despite the ubiquity of these cautionary tales told in hilarious videos, however, park officials still have to remind the next incoming wave of seemingly ignorant tourists every year not to pet the fluffy cows, and to please keep a safe, distance away of 75 feet or more.
Renée Jean can be reached at renee@cowboystatedaily.com.
