Results from my first semi- or non-official readers’ poll are in, and I’m here to testify that Cowboy State Daily readers are a clever crew with a sense of humor dark as my own.
You’ll recall that a week ago I challenged y’all to come up with a moniker for folks in the Big Empty who call everyone else RINO (Republican In Name Only) and you, friends and neighbors, didn’t disappoint.
Dozens of nicknames were submitted by what I can only conclude was a statistically valid cross-section of CSD readers. The results have been verified and tabulated by the respected accounting firm of Sandy Vaselino & Assoc. of suburban Buford.
Before the drum roll and announcement of the winning entry, I’ll admit that I was mildly surprised that the Park County Republican Men’s Full Gospel Gun & Glee Club did not, apparently, weigh in, since there were zero entries expressing the least bit of respect for the RINO-callers.
Nobody suggested calling them Patriots, Paragons of Virtue, Democracy’s Darlings, True Republican Superheroes or anything of the sort. Thankfully, nobody submitted any star-spangled screaming eagle memes of ex-president Trump with a heavy metal hair-do, a chiseled torso and holding an AR-15.
But I did get this cool cartoon which succinctly expresses the political sophistication of the Drugstore Conservatives. I like it!
Responses ran the gamut from merely funny to switchblade slices of satire. Most are suitable for repeating in a family newspaper, even with the sly double entendres. Here’s a sampling.
“OG”s, for Oral’s Groupies was suggested, by some original gangsta. “NATC”s derives from those in the party self-identifying as Nationalist Christian. “RINOcular” aptly describes folks who see RINOs everywhere.
“WHINOS” is self-explanatory. “CINO” denotes conservatives in name only. “D-CON” abbreviates Drugstore Conservative and is also a poison.
“Pharisees” is ecumenical and from the Good Book. “Hypublicans” hybridizes Republican with hypocrite, another term from the Gospel.
An entry that pokes fun at the faux religiosity within the Wyoming GOP these days is Pseudo Republicans In Christ’s Kingdom. Figure out the acronym your ownselves.
I liked “Caucusucheur”, a French term apparently meaning a male midwife or someone who spends a lot of time on their knees. But my French is rusty.
Now, for that drum roll.
Karl Smith, of Wheatland, won a brand new set of steak knives and a gently used Rex Wilde for Governor t-shirt with his entry, “Platformicators.”
In my mind, this term conjures images of zipper-down allegiance to the GOP platform. Or perhaps, someone who embraces political virtue on the one hand, while the other hand gropes anything within range. The beauty of the term is that it is open to so many interpretations.
Thanks for introducing a brand new word into our Wyoming political vocabulary, Karl!
And thanks to everyone who sent in a suggestion! I hope your disappointment in having to eat steak with your fingers is tempered by the certain knowledge that the Platformicators in the Wyoming GOP will do something else stupid enough to warrant another reader’s poll.
Like…they’ll probably say this election was rigged, demand that it is audited and whine about how shabbily the media treats them. They may claim that Free Speech just goes too damn far sometimes, and it needs muzzled so the kids are safe.
There’s not much I wouldn’t put past ‘em. And when that happens, dear reader, I might come to you again to help create another perfect word to describe their nonsense. Selah.
