I never thought I would be writing a column about fashion sense, but here we go.
The haughty state House Appropriations Committee’s arrogance insults the great past members of the committee.
Legislators who had great knowledge of the state’s inner workings and tight grips on Wyoming’s purse strings crafted Wyoming’s budget before the Freedom Caucus took control and needed remedial education.
Legislators like John Schiffer, whose grizzled control of the budget is legendary; the Nicholas brothers, whose knowledge of the state’s complex interrelations is unparalleled; Steve Harshman who knows in detail why things are the way they are.
And, famously, John Hines, who was so frugal he traumatized a couple of Colorado doctors on a legislative trip when they asked him what he was taking for food poisoning and he pulled out an Anacin packet he’d saved since 1982.
The Wyoming budget has been crafted over generations on the shoulders of these great legislative leaders. Protecting the public treasury is nothing new to Wyoming.
What is new, however, and deserves comment, is how the House Appropriations committee covers up its lack of knowledge with fancy new attire.
Red suits and red ties debuted at the committee’s Monday meeting in Gillette, as its new fashion – ostensibly to symbolize the self-inflicted budget shortfall Wyoming is facing.
Coupled with their red attire, the House Appropriations committee members also had created for themselves, bobblehead dolls, in their own image, dressed in the same red attire.
To top that off, the members of the committee commissioned for themselves Wyoming DOGE trucker hats complete with the Wyoming bucking horse. (One wonders if they paid the required royalty to the state for use of the copyrighted logo.)
The plan, I hear, is for them to travel the state in their “red coat” rallies as a political stunt to attract attention to themselves and their budget hawkishness.
Since the committee had no background on Wyoming fire protection, they spent the day hearing a basic class on the fire service, and how fire protection economics operate in Wyoming, how the state is short hundreds of firefighters and how to maintain any level of protection.
Wyoming is going to have to spend more money, not less, on fire protection – increasing the budget shortfall.
The appropriations committee should comprise the most experienced members of the legislature, not political hacks who need remedial classes.
They should have already had a background on the issues on which they are charged to vote, instead of wasting a full day being schooled by our emergency responders.
The House Appropriations Committee is fresh out of the first session in anyone’s memory that failed to propose a budget that could pass both houses.
Maybe the committee members should adopt a fashion that better illustrates their abilities and warns this state of their hubris.
To protect the fancy red suits from the bovine excrement the committee members are spewing, the members of the house committee should don 2-foot-long, flat wide yellow shoes. To go with those shoes, I suggest red-and-white-striped compression socks as a matching ensemble.
To protect the members of the committee from their time in the limelight, I suggest covering their faces with a thick coat of white zinc oxide. Of course, to make their expressions known, they will need to highlight their faces with bright red lipstick.
For the more cranially exposed members of the committee, I hear frizzy red wigs are the rage these days, and will fit well with the trucker caps they have commissioned for themselves.
The committee members should acquire oogah-ooogah horns with rubber bulb ends so they can honk any time someone tells them something they do not want to hear.
To protect themselves from chaffing from the brown-nosing they require of state employees who are just trying to keep a reasonable budget to conduct the state’s business, they should acquire big red rubber balls with slits in them to protect their noses from direct contact.
Finally, to economize, the committee should get a vehicle to carpool to committee meetings – perhaps in a beat-up old firetruck that bursts into confetti outside the Capitol or at whatever tent holds their red-coat rallies.
Wyoming needs serious-minded people who are not using the committee meetings as campaign stunts, but as gatherings to conduct the serious business of the state.
We do not need a clown show.
Tom Lubnau served in the Wyoming Legislature from 2004 - 2015 and is a former Speaker of the House. He can be reached at: YourInputAppreciated@gmail.com
