Editor’s note: This story discusses mental health, suicide and suicidal thoughts and behavior. If you or anyone you know are in crisis, please reach out to the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.
GILLETTE — There’s the grief and regrets. The hopeless handwringing and blame over what they might have done to save him. More so, it’s the inexplicable grief and giant hole in their hearts as they try to grapple with the death of 20-year-old Hunter Wade Harlow, who took his own life.
Hunter died the day before Valentine’s Day, a date that seems to have been purposely chosen in the aftermath of a breakup with his girlfriend. The notes he left behind suggest a young man reeling with heartbreak and loneliness and at a loss for how to navigate his next steps, his family says.
That he was so alone and didn’t think he could come to his family for help will forever haunt his father, Gary, and his aunt, Stacy Koester, who are still trying to process their grief and loss as well as their own inevitable feelings of wishing they could have done more.
In the face of their grief, they want to share his story both as a means of honoring his short life and helping bring awareness to other teens who might be struggling.
“It’s a whole different level of grief, pain, confusion,” Koester said. “There are no answers when it comes to someone taking their own life; it literally leaves everyone who loved that human lost, confused and truly unable to accept that this was their final choice for their life.”
Rediscovering his roots
Hunter’s father, Gary, said that his son had returned to Gillette in adulthood to pursue his dream of becoming a tattoo artist and to be reacquainted with his mother’s side of the family.
Hunter was born in Gillette. He and his older brother, Alex, lost their mother, Brandy Nix, in a car accident when Hunter was just seven months old. He spent the first few years of his life in Wyoming and then went on the road with his father who traveled for work. Eventually, the pair settled down on the family ranch near Ryegate, Montana.
Gary recalled his son as a “fun-loving jokester yet hard-headed and stubborn.” He did well in school and loved sports, particularly basketball and football, his dad said.
“Hunter had a knack for touching everyone he met with charisma that was beyond words,” Gary said.
His aunt further described Hunter as having a laid-back attitude and encapsulating his mother’s plucky attitude and looks.
She was thrilled, she said, when Hunter told her his plans to move to Gillette last September to spread his wings and spend time with family.
Hunter’s ambitions to become a tattoo artist, however, became sidetracked by his social life and budding bad habits drinking and using drugs.
He was a kid who was struggling, Koester admitted, because he seemed to be prioritizing others over himself when it came to his personal goals and relationships, culminating in the breakup that seemed to completely derail him.
“He was broken-hearted,” Koester said. “He also had a lot of confusion about his childhood, and it just took a toll on him.”
Gary agrees.
“Hunter was searching for answers and wanting to know more and more about his mom up to the day he took his life,” he said.
Along with feeling alienated and betrayed by his friends, Gary also blames his son’s alcohol and drug use.
“I firmly believe had Hunter refrained from alcohol and drug use, he would still be with us today,” Gary said. “Hunter definitely was not in a good state of mind dealing with a first heartbreak, and the emotions that come with that adding alcohol and drugs to an already depleted mindset did nothing more than add fuel to the fire.”
Koester urged others to take threats of suicide seriously, and if a friend reaches out to a person showing they are harming themselves, to understand it’s a cry for help and to contact someone.
Growing problem
Unfortunately, Hunter is not alone.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) cite teen suicide as one of the leading causes of death among young people between the ages of 10 to 24, according to 2023 data.
According to this same data, suicide deaths among this age group increased by 62% from 2007 to 2021.
Wyoming historically ranks highest in the nation for suicides of all ages. In 2022, the CDC ranked Wyoming third for the highest number of suicides with 25.6 deaths per 100,000 people, behind Montana and Alaska, respectively.
Western states in general consistently are plagued with perennially high suicide rates in what’s known as the “suicide belt.” Researchers continue to ponder the reasons for the high numbers and generally pinpoint the lack of mental health care in rural communities, vast, isolated communities, and distances between cities as well as other cultural differences and other factors.
In Wyoming, self-inflicted deaths among 15- to 24-year-olds have waned slightly over the past two years with 27 deaths in 2023 compared to 23 in 2024, according to data from the Wyoming Department of Health’s Vital Statistics Services.
Honoring Hunter
Understanding why Hunter might have taken his own life does little to assuage the grief of Hunter’s friends and family as they continue processing his loss.
Still, they’re determined to honor his life in a way that believe he would have wanted him to do so.
Given his love of sports, his family has launched the “No Souls Forgotten” campaign to raise funds to provide sport shoes for teens who want to play sports but otherwise couldn’t afford the gear.
Hunter frequently said that he thought everyone, especially those young people growing up in rural communities, should be given equal opportunity to play sports. As a young teen, Hunter was known to have several pairs of tennis shoes that he would give out to the kids who didn’t have any.
For this reason, tennis shoes seemed like the perfect way to honor his life, Gary said. He was the one who came up with the idea to which Koester wholeheartedly agreed.
“This is the perfect choice for a benefit as it helps kiddos in need of shoes to play the sports that Hunter himself loved to play,” Koester said. “It keeps Hunter’s memory alive and positive with every pair of shoes this memorial gives out.”
Raising awareness
Along with honoring his memory, Hunter’s family hopes that other teens seek help when they feel like there’s nowhere else to go.
“There is no girl or no boy worth you ending your life over ever,” Koester said. “Moments and situations in life are temporary, but suicide is forever, and people have so much more to live for.”
Gary, meanwhile, struggles with his own feelings of inadequacy that he let his son down. He tries not to focus on what he could have done better but rather finds solace in celebrating his son’s life.
“We all grieve differently, and I have found that focusing on the good memories is a small victory in this tragedy,” he said.
Koester, likewise, wants to focus on keeping Hunter’s memory alive, while absorbing the hard truths of her nephew’s pain.
“Hunter was so special,” Koester said through her tears, “and we’re just heartbroken.”
The fundraiser is one way to help the family move forward. Koester will be selling suicide awareness T-shirts at the Homemade and More Vendor this weekend at the Cam-Plex in Gillette on March 29 -30. All proceeds will go to Hunter’s Memorial Fund.
Others who wish to donate can do so at the No Souls Forgotten fund at Citizens Bank in Harlowtown, Montana.
Jen Kocher can be reached at jen@cowboystatedaily.com.
