The Weston County Commission has unilaterally decided to secede from Wyoming and establish its own sovereign country of the Republican Nation of Westonistan. This move dovetails nicely with the prevailing goofball populism of the Wyoming Republican Party.
Voters in Westonistan will have 15 times the voting power of citizens in other parts of Wyoming, and that’s precisely how the Politburo of Westonistan wants it.
Screw that notion of one person/one vote! That is commie claptrap, and has no place in Westonistan.
Feeling put-upon and disrespected by the rest of Wyoming, the commissioners of Weston County simply drew a line around themselves, declared that they are under-represented in the legislature and created a new legislative district and delegation out of whole cloth.
And their new legislative delegation will be – drum roll, please – all Republicans.
Voila! The birth of Westonistan.
It’s a pretty safe bet that Oral Eathorne and his ilk in the Wyoming Republican Party support this secession. After all, Eathorne has expressed his admiration for secession before. It comports with the GOP ethos of grassroots action against political chicanery.
If you don’t like the way the game is played, just take your ball and go home. It’s a simple solution to a complex problem.
I wonder what’s next. Will the commissars of Westonistan decide that their new borders, and the rich Ivermectin deposits within them, aren’t adequately protected by law enforcement and the military based in Cheyenne? Will they decide to raise a standing army of their own to do the job?
Will the militiamen of Westonistan each carry two guns, to counter-balance the nukes in Laramie County? Inquiring minds want to know.
That conjures visions of an Upper East Side Meal Team Six, armed with a brace of AR-15s, their camo tactical vests stuffed with Twinkies, standing their posts along the border. I can almost see their banner, festooned with star-spangled screaming eagles on Harleys instead of the Wyoming buffalo that suits the rest of us just fine.
The Westonistan license plates might display an embossed Donald Trump instead of Steamboat. Or perhaps, an image of the back seat of Oral Eathorne’s squad car. After all, when you create your own political subdivision out of thin air, you can do pretty much what you want.
Graduates of the University of Westonistan will enter the marketplace with proficiency in the Three Rs - Readin’, Ritin’ and Republican Dogma. The university is, of course, a Bible-based institution.
Can’t you just visualize the welcome signs along the pot-holed highway at the border? “Welcome to Westonistan: Where We Say Screw You to the Rest of Wyoming.”
Being unable or unwilling to live the Cowboy Code like the rest of us, they simply write a new one: The Drugstore Cowboy Code of Westonistan. This code encourages adherents to pitch a fit when they don’t get their way, pout and hold their collective breath until they turn blue.
The commissars in Newcastle, capital of Westonistan, fully expect their Trumpian gambit to be challenged in court. In fact, their ultimate goal may be to publicize their new bespoke government by trolling for a lawsuit where they can whine in public.
Good. Let the whining malcontents of Westonistan plead before a judge that the doctrine of one person/one vote doesn’t apply to them.
Let their team of fancy lawyers explain to the rest of Wyoming why the Westonistanians are 15 times better than their neighbors.
Let them place a crudely-lettered sign on the door of their little clubhouse saying, “No Cowboys Aloud!”
And let the rest of the State of Wyoming take note and heap ridicule on Westonistan.
Rod Miller can be reached at: RodsMillerWyo@yahoo.com
