Dave Simpson: Kinder, Gentler Fan Wants Me Dead

Columnist Dave Simpson writes, "One reader from the tolerant left writes, 'Thank goodness people like you will die out soon, and a kinder, gentler people will be able to write pieces... Good riddance.'"

Dave Simpson

June 17, 20244 min read

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(Cowboy State Daily Staff)

Time for some pithy observations, great thoughts, and hide-ripping criticism from readers.

But first, a READER ALERT. This column will deal with several different observations from several different readers.

It might appear to “meander like the Big Horn River,” which a critic accused me of several weeks ago. (He's a confessed Biden-Harris fan. I checked.)

If you are easily overwhelmed by multiple topics, you might want to skip this column and tune in next week. Same time, same station.

First in the chute is a reader on Facebook who commented on a column I wrote about the varieties of Wyoming Republicans, ranging from the Wyoming Caucus moderates to the Freedom Caucus conservatives (like me).

A reader named Cathi wrote this on Facebook last week:

“Thank goodness people like you will die out soon, and a kinder, gentler people will be able to write pieces. Anyone that isn't an old white guy obviously scares the hell out of you. Good riddance.”

Cathi apparently has a problem with old white guys like me. I'm 73 – an age older than I once heard famed Wyoming attorney Gerry Spence call “profound middle age.” No sense denying it.

On the mean streets of Facebook, you hardly ever hear people agree to disagree. Something brings out the little devil on a writer's shoulder, and they skip all that friendly disagreement talk, and go straight to wanting Old Dave dead.

My dog Mitch (a Labrador Retriever, the Cadillac of Dogs) thinks the world of me, and would miss our twice-daily walks, were I dead and pushing up daisies.

And my cute little granddaughters would miss the cookies we bake when I visit, were I to suddenly go on to my reward.

And there's this bad news for Cathi: My mother died when she was 99 – six months short of a Smuckers ad on The Today Show. Given her longevity, I might be around a while.

Another Facebook critic, Sharon, summed up that column this way: “Old far-right boomer yells at cloud...” There's that shocking “ageism” again. Quick, somebody call the DEI Police!

Also on the critical side, a Facebook reader named Ted had this to say about my defense of the Freedom Caucus: “dave likes the freedumb caucus I guess?”

Not sure what's dumb about spending less, not talking sex to kindergartners, and not cutting organs off children in the name of trans “care.” But Ted's mind is made up. The governor and the Wyoming Caucus might welcome him.

It's not all bad news, however, as our meander down the Big Horn River continues.

A Cheyenne reader named Steve had this to say about our more moderate Republican friends:

“They attack Chuck Gray, bash 'newcomers' like me who are actual conservatives ... and praise our Romney-esque Governor.”

He wasn't done.

“The Wyo Caucus spends like drunken Democrats, stashes taxpayer funds in their 'coffee cans' for unaccountable pet projects, strips the state auditor of any auditing duties, and then says, 'vote for me I'm a conservative. Pinky swear.'”

My favorite message came from a guy named Joe, who lives in Pueblo, Colorado, a state long since overrun by slavering, free-spending Democrats. Joe had this to say:

“Holy guacamole and leaping catfish! There are seven Democrats in the Wyoming Legislature?

“Well, I hope you all have a containment field around them, or maybe put those ear tags in them so you can keep track of their location.

“I hope I get a chance after I pass, but before I get on the fast elevator to the basement, I would like to ask somebody upstairs why in the world God made such things as black widow spiders, rattlesnakes, scorpions, sharks, crocodiles, mosquitoes and Democrats. But if I was given a choice, I guess I would choose anything out of that bunch except Democrats.”

That's a little extreme, but let's not be harsh like Cathi, and hope that Joe from Pueblo “will die out soon” and be replaced by someone “kinder and gentler.”

Poor Joe from Pueblo has been outnumbered by Democrats for years.

In the words of Bill Clinton, “I feel his pain.”

Dave Simpson can be reached at: DaveSimpson145@hotmail.com

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Dave Simpson

Political, Wyoming Life Columnist

Dave has written a weekly column about a wide variety of topics for 39 years, winning top columnist awards in Wyoming, Colorado, Illinois and Nebraska.