Dave Simpson: It's No Picnic In Either Party Today

Columnist Dave Simpson writes, "At least Our Guy doesn't fall down, his sentences are mostly understandable, and he doesn't shake hands with people who aren't there."

Dave Simpson

July 10, 20234 min read

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(Cowboy State Daily Staff)

Must be a tough time to be a Democrat.

It's tough enough being a Republican, as the liberal lynch mob, with the media in the lead, is in hot pursuit of Donald Trump, determined to destroy the man they consider Beelzebub.

Our Guy faces multiple indictments. And our liberal friends leak videos of him acting like Mr. Big Stuff, boasting and waving around classified documents. (Asked what he would do if he was Trump's lawyer, former Rep. Trey Gowdy – who never lost a case as a prosecutor – said: “I'd immediately resign.”)

And yet, as Republicans face uncertainty in 2024, it's tougher to be a Democrat. Our Guy doesn't keep falling down, most of his sentences still make sense, and he doesn't shake hands with people who aren't there. While we scratch our heads trying to figure out what Joe Biden just said, and wonder whether he got $5 million from his crooked son Hunter, Trump packed 50,000 people into a South Carolina rally last week.

Poor Joe. Even with the active participation of the FBI, the Department of Justice, 51 former intelligence officials, much of social media and the lapdog traditional media, he can't keep a lid on the misadventures of his nightmare son Hunter. (Cocaine found last week at the White House? Got any suspects?) (Only six grandchildren? Wait, isn't there a seventh?)

What are the chances, if we had a no-good kid getting millions of dollars from foreign businesses and governments, that his failure to pay taxes and his illegal possession of a handgun, would be treated as misdemeanors and through deferred prosecution? Would our no-good kid get a deal like that?

Ha, ha, ha. That's a good one.

And if a former partner of our no-good kid claimed our son had funneled millions to “the Big Guy,” what are the chances the IRS, FBI, and investigators couldn't get to the bottom of who got the millions, where the millions came from, and what they were purchasing?

Meanwhile, Joe and Dr. Jill addressed the teachers' union last week, calling efforts to keep sex how-to books out of grade schools “book banning.” Here's a question. “War and Peace” is in few, if any, grade school libraries, because it's way over the heads of little children. Does that mean “War and Peace” has been banned?

Answer me that, Bullwinkle.

And our president is apparently on the side of jiggling Pride Month parade participants who chanted, “We're here. We're queer, And we're coming for your children.” Joe's apparently OK with old wrinkly-butt guys who proudly displayed their privates at Pride parades, in front of little kids. In his defense, however, his staff said the trans person who proudly displayed his new breasts at the White House Pride celebration won't be invited back. (Now that's striking a blow for decency.)

My Democrat friends and I don't talk politics anymore – way too volatile – but I wonder how they'd defend this insanity.

And then there's Joe's steadfast defense of people who borrowed money to go to college, but think it's outrageous that they have to pay it back. We probably shouldn't be surprised, given Joe's decades of “service” in a federal government that is $31 trillion in debt. Party on, Big Spenders! Just more of the same.

Now that the Supreme Court has ruled that borrowers have to pay it back - unless Congress, not the president, let's them off the hook - that just fires up the spendthrift mob to go after Supreme Court conservatives. Yeah, that's the ticket.

(Ever wondered why the incessant attacks on Clarence Thomas are never called racist? Me too.)

Toss in the carnage in our biggest cities, our Swiss cheese southern border – so bad that even incompetent liberal mayors are decrying the influx to their cities – and the high cost of everything from groceries to gasoline, and you could almost feel sympathy for Hapless Joe.

But, not quite.

The jury's obviously still out on Election 2024, but if it's Biden vs. Trump, folks like me will vote for the indicted, imperfect guy who got results.

Not the guy who shakes hands with people who aren't there.

And falls down a lot.

Dave Simpson can be reached at: DaveSimpson145@hotmail.com

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Dave Simpson

Political, Wyoming Life Columnist

Dave has written a weekly column about a wide variety of topics for 39 years, winning top columnist awards in Wyoming, Colorado, Illinois and Nebraska.