Dave Simpson: Full Faith And Credit In These Guys?

in Dave Simpson/Column

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By Dave Simpson, columnist

So now our honorable (just ask ’em) spendthrift lawmakers in Washington are worried about the possibility of default.

They’ve reached the $31 trillion “debt ceiling” (pretty high ceiling) and the only responsible thing to do – well, duh! – is raise the debt ceiling, like the last 78 times. They’re deeply concerned about maintaining the “full faith and credit” folks have that we’ll pay our skyrocketing debts.

“It’s reckless for Speaker McCarthy and MAGA Republicans” (the term for sick, dangerous people who want to make America great again) “to try and use the full faith and credit of the United States as a political bargaining chip,” said Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer (who got a perfect score on his SAT exam, but has subsequently developed a problem with arithmetic).

White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre said the president isn’t about to consider risky Rube Goldberg schemes, like spending less. No way!

“We’re just not going to negotiate that,” she said. “They” (vile people who want to spend less) “should feel the responsibility.”

Got it. Spend less, bad. More debt, good. Quick, write that down.

Try not to laugh, folks. This is serious stuff. Horse laughs, slapping your knee in head-shaking hilarity, and blowing coffee out your nose in paroxysms of laughter are not helpful. Spending less would seem like the obvious solution to anyone with the sense God gave a fence post. But, clearly, in our nation’s capital these days, they don’t have the sense God gave a fence post. Sad, but true.

Think I’m wrong? Think Old Dave has gone ’round the bend and become too cranky and cantankerous in his dotage? Well, consider the fact that a mere two weeks ago, these same lawmakers who are worried about default are the very people who crammed their precious $1.7 trillion, 4,155-page “omnibus” budget bill full of porky “earmark” crap like this:

$496,000 for “health equity” swimming pool improvements in Yonkers, New York.

$1.6 million for the “development of equitable growth of shellfish aquaculture” in Rhode Island. (Are we demanding equity for lobsters now?)

$1.5 million to encourage people to eat outdoors in Pasadena, California. (What, no money for sun screen?)

$500,000 for a skate park in Rhode Island. (Aren’t skate parks kind of a late 1990s thing?)

$2 million for a group that promotes “dirt bike culture in Baltimore.” (Anybody know what the ding-dong heck dirt bike culture might be?)

And on and on it goes. Millions of dollars for silly crap brought to you by self-serving Eddie Haskell lawmakers assuring their own miserable re-elections. Regular cereal for breakfast, Republican cloth coat types like us would say, “We don’t care if people eat outdoors in Pasadena.” And, “What’s this silliness about dirt bikes in Baltimore? Don’t they have a lot of murders there?” And, “What genius thought up making the world more equitable for shellfish? On our dime? I don’t think so, Bullwinkle.”

The fact is, the only time these honorable (just ask ’em), drunken-sailor-spendthrifts care about the massive debt is when it’s time to raise the debt limit so they can party on. They don’t care about the crippling debt they’re heaping on our kids. As Robert Earl Keen sings, “The road goes on forever, and the party never ends.”

For them, at least.

It’s like having a kid who has maxed out all his credit cards – buying stuff you never could afford, taking vacations you never took, driving a nicer pickup than you’re driving – getting a raft of new credit cards to max out and keep the madness going. If you don’t see the sense in simply getting more credit cards, you’re a hopeless old fuddy-duddy. Get a clue, Gramps!

How did we get here, folks? Where did we go wrong? Was it the fluoride in the water?

We’ve got more common sense in our little toes than most of the 535 people we pay big money to represent us in Washington. If we tried what they do, the sheriff would pile up our possessions out on the lawn and put a padlock on our front door.

And they have the gall in Washington to talk to us about “full faith and credit.”

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