Bill Sniffin: Wyoming Is Tougher Than Shitium, According To These Periodic Tables

Bill Sniffin: In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

Bill Sniffin

November 18, 20223 min read

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Mike Jones is a Fremont County Commissioner who leads a double life. Besides being a politician, he is a creative and inventive guy.

Last year in his spare time, he invented a T-shirt all about Wyoming, based on the Periodic Tables of Elements – and it is all about the Cowboy State. 

He took the symbol, which is “Wy” and gave it an atomic number of “307.” So far so good. But he could not resist putting in the line “Tufferthanshitium.” The shirt has sold well and you can see him modeling it next to this column. It is available at Wind River Outdoor Sports in Lander.

Not sure there is an element called “shitium,” but it is always hard to argue with Jonesy.

A Periodic Table Of Wyoming?

Last year we received an amazing gift from Nancy and Mark Anselmi of Rock Springs. It was for our 55th wedding anniversary.

Not sure where it came from but it is a dish that contained 28 so-called descriptions of, again, the periodic elements pertaining to the Cowboy State. 

Although it did not contain any reference to shitium, it had some wonderful items, such as:

• Mo for Moose

• El for Elk

• Gp for Grand Prismatic Spring

• Fd for Frontier Days

• Eq for Equality State

• Os for Old Steamboat

• Plus 22 others

It was pretty clever. It makes a great gift. 

The Most Dense Element

And then there is the recent discovery of the densest element yet known by science. 

I would love take the credit for writing about this, but this comes from Rob J. Whitney, who I found on Facebook. It is a fun read, but discouraging:

“Oxford University researchers have discovered the densest element yet known to science.

“The new element, Governmentium (symbol = Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

“These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called pillocks.

“Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

“A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.

“Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years.

“It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

“In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

“This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration.

“This hypothetical quantity is referred to as a critical morass.

“When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium (symbol = Ad), an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many pillocks but twice as many morons.”

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Bill Sniffin

Wyoming Life Columnist

Columnist, author, and journalist Bill Sniffin writes about Wyoming life on Cowboy State Daily -- the state's most-read news publication.