Rod Miller: Thunberg vs. Michelangelo and More Hijinx in Yellowstone

in Column/Rod Miller

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By Rod Miller, Columnist

I’ve seen a few news pieces pop up lately about climate activists attacking works of art as if Michelangelo or the Impressionists were responsible for global warming. Seriously! This is the kind of thinking that is loose in the world today.

From what I can gather, most of these protesters are Euro-Trash kids who are still so upset with the House of Bourbon or the Romanovs that they throw soup on paintings and glue themselves to statues.

They all have posters of Danzig or Greta Thunberg on their walls, and they’re convinced they can patch the hole in the ozone layer by despoiling works of art.

Let me rise to the defense of the painters and sculptors of history, and of the products of their art that enrich us all. And let me clue these misguided nincompoops who attack art in the name of atmosphere that they did more damage to the air when they released cyanoacrylate fumes from the Super Glue they used to glue their hands to the Pieta than Michelangelo did when he sculpted the damn thing.

They are going after the wrong folks!!

All those artists have been dead for a long time. A lot of them never lived long enough to witness the Industrial Revolution, so its hard to blame them for acid rain or skin cancer or drought.

If these naive do-gooders really want to strike a blow against atmospheric calamity, they need to come to Yellowstone. When that sucker blows (and the doomsayers say she’s overdue) the Big Empty will be buried in volcanic ash and the atmosphere around the world will be screwed up for generations.

Yep, that’s where these folks can do the most good – attacking Yellowstone to prevent that looming Great Unpleasantness. It won’t be as safe as dousing a Klimt with mac-n-cheese, but it will be a direct blow at the sources of the threat.

Plus, it will be the mother lode for satiric journalism. I can see the stories now.

“The remains of Butterfly Isaaksen, a climate activist from Copenhagen, were found today near Fishing Bridge where she had apparently super-glued her hands to a badger. Her colleagues were unable to render aid because of the ferocity of the event. ‘It happened so fast. We didn’t even have time to turn the camera on so she could read her manifesto’, said a spokesperson for Isaaksen’s group.”

While in another part of Yellowstone…..

“A Belgian climate activist was life-flighted to Billings today after being gored and trampled by a buffalo. First responders reported that he had attempted to staple a sign saying ‘No Bovine Flatulence” to a bison near the road”

And this….

“When Wolfsong Moonrise and her partner, Rainbow, arrived in Wyoming to protest climate change and to convince Yellowstone not to be a capitalist tool, she hoped to enhance her profile as an internet influencer and to broaden her base. Little did she expect that she and Rainbow to be the lead story in the mainstream news when they were filmed throwing lentil soup on a grizzly cub in front of his mother. The search continues for their remains.”

And finally….

“Park Rangers responded to a report today that a group of climate activists were gathered in the Upper Geyser Basin to perform a ritual to cool the planet down. After an extensive search, rangers found four headless corpses arranged neatly around a highly caustic thermal feature known locally as Gotcha Pool.

It appears, said the rangers, that foul play can be ruled out. ‘It looks like they were just bobbing for avocados.’”

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