Dave Simpson: Scary Talk In The ‘Nuclear Sponge’

in Dave Simpson/Column

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By Dave Simpson, columnist

We’ve got 10 pounds of news in a five-pound sack this week, so let’s get busy lightening the load:

(That expression was used to great effect, you might recall, when the wonderful Dolly Parton split her top at the 1978 County Music Awards ceremony. Accepting Entertainer of the Year honors in a hastily borrowed fur stole, Dolly said, “My daddy always said that’s what you get for putting 50 pounds of mud in a five-pound sack.” Gotta love Dolly.)

– I think the Camp Lejeune water contamination attorneys have surpassed The Pillow Guy as the most over-exposed, exhausting, tedious advertisers on television. They appear in ads over and over, and  over, just like pillow, sheet and slipper pitchman Mike Lindell.  It’s blanket coverage by both.

There’s a funny post circulating lately with a picture of Chris Farley in his famous “In a Van Down by the River” Saturday Night Live skit, with the caption, “For the love of God, we KNOW about the WATER at CAMP  LEJEUNE!”

– Call me paranoid, but when the president who can’t figure out which side of the stage to exit from, and who shakes hands with people who aren’t there – when that guy talks about being on the brink of nuclear Armageddon, I get nervous.

Out here on the edge of the missile fields, some see us as the “nuclear sponge,” a sparsely populated area that might be sacrificed in the event of a nuclear exchange with Russia, leaving other more-populated areas unscathed. Not much chance of that, as our population centers would likely disappear right along with those of us out here in deepest Flyover Country.

I think having grand children changes a guy, putting a finely re-sharpened edge on what exactly is at stake in this. I find myself newly appalled that supposedly thinking adults could put the survival of mankind in such jeopardy. Hard to believe, but our fate is in the hands of – Lord help us – politicians.

The thought that rambling, confused Joe Biden plays a part in this is frightening.

(And our Democrat friends were so sure Trump was the real threat. They still are.)

– Who knew the FBI had $1 million available in its budget to offer spy Christopher Steele to confirm the cock-and-bull story that Donald Trump somehow paid prostitutes to do crazy stuff in Moscow prior to the 2016 election?

Are such funds only available to coerce allegations against Republican presidents? Apparently that kind of money is not available to confirm or refute the international high jinks of problematic presidential son Hunter Biden, and ascertain whether our president was “the Big Guy” getting 10 percent of the foreign dollars Hunter was raking in. (Didn’t Spiro Agnew get run out of the vice presidency for far less?)

How do you deny the existence of a “deep state” when we see the FBI so deeply involved in trying to frame a Republican president? And when a high-ranking FBI official referred with contempt to many of us as people he could “smell” at Walmart?”

What kind of budget discipline do we see at the FBI if they have $1 million available to confirm a crazy, ultimately debunked (at great cost) story to bring down a president?

Here’s a suggestion: Cut the FBI funds for buying testimony to subvert the will of voters.

– That said, here’s a quote from the ever-quotable Sen. John Kennedy of Louisiana:

“What you condone is what will continue.”

– Amazing, isn’t it, that we find ourselves in a time when keeping an oath has become the equivalent of fighting words in politics, right along with being proud, because of a couple crazy fringe groups most of us have never heard of and would never join. Much less rampage like idiots with them through the Capitol. How the heck did keeping one’s word and showing pride get Shanghied into what divides Americans?

And whatever you do, don’t suggest to anyone that you want to make America great. Lord knows you can’t go around spouting crazy stuff like that. These days, them’s fighting words.

I think Dorothy said it best in “The Wizard of Oz:”

“I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore, Toto!”

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