Rod Miller: Ask Your Doctor If Tyrantafan Is Right For You

Columnist Rod Miller writes: For the millions of Americans suffering from the discomfort of democratic and cultural ennui, doctor-approved Tyrantafan (Tyrantiflor Fanaticacea) offers hope.

Rod Miller

December 15, 20214 min read

Rod Miller
Rod Miller (Cowboy State Daily Staff)

By Rod Miller

For the millions of Americans suffering from the discomfort of democratic and cultural ennui, doctor-approved Tyrantafan (Tyrantiflor Fanaticacea) offers hope.

Taken daily, Tyrantafan can contribute significantly to relief of the painful symptoms that so often accompany the fear of political irrelevancy. After just the first dose, patients will feel a noticeable easing of the trauma of not being taken seriously.

Many of your friends and neighbors are also experiencing the debilitating symptoms associated with democracy, such as feeling ignored by the majority, threats to your ethnic identity, loss of economic or political advantage and the heartbreak of losing elections.

Lets face it – in a democratic republic, there will always be losers. If you count yourself among the latter, the feeling of being left out is a heavy burden. Its hard to know just where to turn when you feel marginalized like that.

Tyrantafan can help!!

Tyrantafan is carefully formulated to silence the noisy hoi polloi and to put them back in their place. We at MAGA Pharmaceuticals understand your pain, and we’re here to help.

Tyrantafan user Karen, from Lone Tree, offers this testimonial. “It got so bad that I had trouble getting out of bed in the morning, knowing that I’d just see more of those disgusting other people making money that should be mine while they said Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas. I was at wit’s end until Tyrantafan came into my life!”

Taken under strict professional supervision, Tyrantafan will gradually reduce the separation of church and state until there is no longer any need for secular government. Malcontents will be dealt with by inquisition and auto da fe, instead of in those unreliable courtrooms.

The powerful ingredients in Tyrantafan will seal our borders from the unwashed, and will incinerate all those vile and troublesome books into our public libraries. Our motto at MAGA Pharmaceuticals is, “Fewer Voices, Fewer Problems”

Your firearms will be protected from criticism by the powerful effects of Tyrantafan and you will once again be able to raise your hands to the sky and sing about natural rights.

A regimen of Tyrantafan paired with Ivermectin will keep you free of pesky internal parasites and even peskier government overreach.

Nine out of ten patient suffering from noses out of joint because their candidate lost report full recovery after trying Tyrantafan.

As with any potent drug, there may be side effects. Some of them may be serious or even fatal, so its important to stay in touch with your medical professional. Tyrantafan will noticeably diminish empathy, and if this is troubling to you then simply increase your daily dosage.

You should not take Tyrantafan if you or anyone in your immediate family has a history of independent thought. If you are in this demographic and experience an accidental exposure resulting in a confused state of mind, then simply rest a day or so in a dark room and watch an hour of Fox News for every pound of your body weight .

If you notice a change in a wart or mole, or a new discharge, or a reduction in genital size, then Tyrantafan should be discontinued until you consult a professional.

If you are a woman concerned about your personal autonomy, Tyrantafan is not for you.

But if you are a head-of-household breadwinner, struggling with the contradictions facing the modern family, then let us recommend a family-sized bottle of industrial-strength Tyrantafan.

Tyrantafan is covered by most private insurance plans. Schedule a visit with your doctor today to take the simple test to see if this miracle drug is for you.

Millions of users can’t be wrong! Wouldn’t you like to be right, too?

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Rod Miller

Political Columnist