I LOVE writing this column for Cowboy State Daily!! In the give-n-take in the comments, I must admit that I’ve learned quite a lot. I have learned about a small Wyoming town that I’d never heard of before.
Let me explain. If you follow this rant, you will have noticed that I tip over sacred cows with some regularity. While those holy cows remain pretty much silent, their protectors aren’t shy about weighing in with their own two cents.
Often, those who offer their counter-point on Facebook don’t really “feel” to me like fellow Wyomingites. Their profiles contain scant information that would tie them to the Cowboy State. But that doesn’t stop them from spouting off about issues critical to actual citizens of the 307.
I tend to see a lot of screaming eagle images, and American flags in their profiles, but not much else that would lead me to believe that they have ever enjoyed brain freeze from ice cream at the Farson Mercantile, or gone Sneakin’ to the Beacon.
When I have called them out, and asked precisely where in Wyoming they hail from, I am invariably met with that laughing emoji that their fingers always find, instead of real words.
So, I’m left with this mental image of Laughing Emoji, Wyoming and its very insular citizens.
Laughing Emoji, Wyoming is a quaint little village nestled in the shadow of the Difficulty Mountains in the south-central part of the state we love. It is a humble but proud little burg, with simple citizens who have trouble answering elementary questions, and instead resort to grunts and gestures always accompanied by their signature vacant chuckle and hollow eyes.
As you drive into Laughing Emoji, you are met with a sign stating “Slow Children Playing”, but instead of words in the King’s English, the sign is illustrated with stick figures. Immediately, the visitor is struck with the level of education in the Laughing Emoji School District.
Driving down the dirt streets, one can see the workingmen of the village trudging off to dig in the nearby Ivermectin mine, while their wives – clad in the finest floursack gingham dresses – wipe boogers from the kids’ noses and hustle them off for a half hour or so of school.
The workers look for all the world like cartoon trolls, whistling Ted Nugent songs as they stumble along.
Laughing Emoji, Wyoming is a sad town, but confident. They work hard. And at the end of the day, the adult males gather in the We Won Bar to challenge each other at mumbletypeg and quaff the establishment’s signature cocktail, a refreshing Fracking Fluid Frappe’.
While the citizens of Laughing Emoji might not be true Wyomingites, they are never shy about responding to a critical thought about the Cowboy State’s future with their colloquialisms, their indignation and their tried and true……well, laughing emojis.
New ideas and change are about as welcome in town as a pack of flatulent coyotes. But folks can count on historical continuity every Friday night as the Laughing Emoji Fighting Troglodyte football team loses another heart-breaker in Alexander Stephens Memorial Stadium to a sixth-grade chess squad from Dayton.
If you don’t believe me, visit Laughing Emoji, Wyoming on your own, and ask yourself if these folks deserve to call themselves our fellow citizens. See if you can detect that faintest hint of cowboy among them. I can’t.
As for me, I’ll keep writing and collecting love notes from the simple citizens of that benighted enclave. If nothing else, they have entertainment value. Whether they really live in Ohio, Florida, Texas or Mars, the folks from Laughing Emoji, Wyoming have entertainment value up the wazoo.
If you have friends or relatives in Laughing Emoji, and you have taken offense at this column, then please leave your comment below and I will respond in the appropriate fashion.