By Dave Simpson, columnist
So much low-hanging fruit. So little time.
– Our delirious friends in the liberal media (is there any other kind?) are beside themselves with joy after Hard-Charging Ball of Fire but Slightly Lame President-Elect Joe Biden named an all-female communications staff, striking a mighty blow for gender equality.
Conga-line dancing could break out at any moment.
In a true White House first, Jen Psaki, Kate Bedingfield and Symone Sanders will take on key communications roles, replacing Old White Guys Kayleigh McEnany, Elyssa Farah, and former officials (also white males) Sarah Sanders and Hope Hicks.
What a breath of fresh air it will be to have actual women communicating for the White House, instead of Old White Guys like McEnany, Sanders and Farah. You’ll recall that they were joined by Old White Guys Education Secretary Betsy DeVos, presidential advisor Kellyanne Conway, and presidential son (and White Guy) Ivanka Trump in Trump’s exclusive misogynist den of iniquity.
Can’t you just see these Old White Guys – McEnany, Sanders and Farah – sipping whiskey in some men’s-only, walnut-paneled gentleman’s club, smoking big cigars? Telling blonde jokes?
– I don’t know about you, but eating at a restaurant called “The French Laundry” would make me think about dirty socks. Maybe it’s because the dogma of Flyover Country lives loudly within me. (I once had to be told by a savvy East Coast liberal what crudites are: Raw veggies.)
And paying an average of $350 for a single meal at The French Laundry, without alcohol (which can cost you $750 more), would be enough for my wife to have Old Dave shipped off to the psych ward, once and for all.
(When our daughter graduated 11 years ago, seven of us celebrated at a Ruth’s Chris Steak House in Durham, North Carolina. When the tab came to almost $400, I thought my daughter’s first medical emergency was going to be reviving her mother. We’re cheap.)
The French Laundry, however, is the preferred destination for entitled elected officials in California to chow down while ordering everyone else to avoid crowds. The governor and the mayor of San Francisco were both spotted there one night last month, at separate parties. (Anyone else remembering reading “Animal Farm” in high school?)
Meanwhile, the mayor of Austin, Texas, may have taken the seven-layer Hypocrisy Cake, ordering folks in his city to stay home from his time-share condo in Cabo San Lucas. A close second would be the mayor of Denver, who told folks to stay home while waiting to board a flight to Mississippi.
And these people like to tack “The Honorable” in front of their names.
– Apparently “Make America Great Again” is out of style now, replaced by what I’m guessing will be “DON’T Make America Great Again,” which is what President-Elect Biden and his Obama Administration colleagues were so good at. (I expect to start seeing DMAGA hats any day now.)
But no, the preferred slogan is “Build Back Better,” to encourage us to repair the “chaos” of the Dow Jones Average at 30,000, three former enemy states recognizing Israel in the Mideast, pre-virus unemployment levels at record lows, and a bunch of other icky, disastrous stuff.
Now, however, the “adults in the room” (they call themselves that) will be back in charge, and we can expect to see them raising taxes, reviving the goofy Iran nuclear deal (maybe with more plane-loads of cash), pursuing virtue signaling and politically-correct wokeness to beat the band, and returning to the halcyon days of “leading from behind.”
How far behind? Time will tell, but from what we’ve seen so far, the slogan could well be “Build Back Behinder.”
– Meanwhile, the attack dog liberal media, which couldn’t stop asking Donald Trump if he was a Russian agent during his president-elect days, recently tried to pin Biden down regarding his favorite flavor of ice cream. (He refused to answer the question, saying he bought two malts, one vanilla, the other chocolate. Call him the fence-sitter-elect.)
Jane Pauley did a hard hitting investigative piece last Sunday on the revelation that the Bidens will bring a cat to the White House.
Stop the presses!
I’ve got more, folks. See you next week.
Dave Simpson can be contacted at email@example.com