We are saying that the city council meetings are much more entertaining to the east of us.
A Lincoln, Nebraska, man approached the Lincoln City Council dais on Monday with a plea to “be a social leader in this country” by no longer calling boneless chicken wings “boneless chicken wings.”
Although laughter erupted in the chamber, he assured attendees that his was a serious proposal that deserved attention.
“I go into nice family restaurants and see people throwing this name around and pretending as though everything is fine,” Ander Christensen said. “I am talking about boneless chicken wings.”
Christensen, whose father happens to serve on the city council, said the city should remove the name boneless wings from “our menus and from our hearts.”
In his emotional plea, Christensen listed three reasons for the change including the inaccuracy of the term: he claims boneless wings actually come from a chicken breast.
He also said chicken wings are just chicken tenders — which are already boneless.
“I don’t go around and order boneless tacos. I don’t go and order boneless club sandwiches. I don’t ask for boneless auto repair. It is just what is expected,” he said.
For his third argument, he said the general public needs to do a better job in raising informed children.
“Our children are raised being afraid of having bones attached to their meat. That’s where meat comes from — it grows on bones,” he said.
“We need to teach them that the wing of a chicken is from a chicken and it is delicious.”
As for what to call them, he had a number of suggestions, including: “Buffalo Style Chicken Tenders”, “Saucy Nuggs”, “Wet Tenders”, or simply “Trash”.
But perhaps his concluding statement was the most powerful (and poetic).
“We can take these steps and show the country that where we stand and we understand that we’ve been living a lie for far too long. And we know it because we feel it in our bones.”