By Sagebrush Sven, (translated by Jim Hicks)
BUFFALO – At first, we were having a hard time remembering time it was. Had to look at the clock in the kitchen because the hours were either dragging or flying by.
After a couple more weeks were found ourselves trying to determine which day of the week it happened to be.
And then, this week Maudie caught me studying the calendar that hangs in the hallway.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“Trying to figure out what week of the month it might be.”
This was last weekend when the wind was blowing, the temperature was in the low teens and we were getting five inches of snow.
“I really thought maybe it was still February,” was my excuse.
So, the “stay-at-home” and “isolate” continues. For those who really like to be left alone, this may actually change some attitudes.
I’ve talked to so many spam callers we are starting to get less and less of them.
It can be fun if you go ahead and listen to the recorded pitch and then punch the number to talk to the “IRS Agent” or the “Social Security Representative” or even the lady who wants to sell you an alert system in case you fall and can’t get up.
Believe it or not, if you sound dumb enough, they will spend 20 minutes trying to explain why you should take all your money out of the bank, wrap it with foil and overnight it to their headquarters in California. Just make sure you invent bank account numbers and a social security number as well.
You can get such satisfaction to drive them crazy while you are keeping them from calling some other poor sucker.
And this week Barb Mueller and some of her friends came up with a great idea (she says it’s been done in other places). She wants everyone to come out of their house at 7p.m. sharp, and get rid of a lot of pent-up emotion by “whoopin’ or hollerin’ or banging on pans or blowing a bugle if they have one.
“It will relieve a lot of stress at the end of a day of isolation.”
They have scheduled he first “Isolation whoop-up” for 7p.m. this Friday, and will continue every evening at 7 sharp.
“It will make us all feel better,” says Barb and her co-conspirators.
So, get the dishpan and a big spoon out and head for the front porch Friday evening.
And the “stay-in-place” humor just keeps coming if you are on the “net” or have a cell-phone. Every new idea goes around the globe instantly. But the Bench Sitters still like to pick a few special ones to share.
Their “picks of the week include –
Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting.
The irony of life is that, by the time you’re old enough to know your way around, you’re not going anywhere.
I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one.
Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
And so, the Bench Sitters have agreed to send their best wishes, a bag of patients and a bowl of brotherly love to help you handle the nest week . . . whatever week that might be.