“If you don't buy this magazine,” the famous cover of the National Lampoon satire magazine threatened in its January, 1973, issue, “we'll shoot this dog.”
The picture was of a black and white mixed-breed dog named Cheeseface, with a pistol held to its head.
In 2005, the cover was rated the seventh best magazine cover over the previous 40 years by the American Society of Magazine Editors.
(Another memorable Lampoon spoof, this one in 1972, had a picture of a Volkswagen floating on a pond, and the headline, “If Ted Kennedy drove a Volkswagen, he'd be president today.”)
Why bring this up now?
Because at election season, we commonly hear threats from elected officials that if we vote to reduce property taxes, they will have to lay off sheriff's deputies, hamstring rural fire districts, and jerk textbooks away from innocent little school children.
And I always think of Cheeseface, and that pistol held to his head.
Here in Laramie County, this is the second time we've heard that if property tax reductions are enacted, sheriff's deputies could be fired. A couple years ago it was 25 deputies, but the legislature went ahead with the property tax cuts, and if deputy cuts ever occurred, they sure weren't covered in the news.
This year, the sheriff – who I like, and who got my vote in the primary – estimates that Proposition 1, which would cut primary residence property taxes by 50 percent, could put a $2 million dent in his budget. Another more conservative estimate puts that number at $1.4 million. Dire results are once again predicted.
There's Cheeseface again. Vote yes on Proposition 1, and it's curtains for Cheeseface!
Except, lo and behold, according to a column last week in Cowboy State Daily by fellow columnist Fred Harrison, it turns out that “Laramie County holds $147 million in fund balances – growing by $37 million in a single year – then went to voters with four separate sales tax measures for services their existing taxes were supposed to fund.”
With that much money in fund balances, the County Board would surely have the ability to step in and replace $2 million, or $1.4 million, in the sheriff's budget, and head off deputy layoffs, don't you think?
(By the way, Fred Harrison and another fellow columnist for Cowboy State Daily, Jonathan Lange, have been doing yeoman work lately, covering election threats – Harrison – and the big liberal bucks behind the August primary slam dunk of the Freedom Caucus – Lange. This crusty old copy editor is much impressed with Fred and Jonathan.)
For years, I've been noticing the “shoot the puppy dog” threat by elected officials, when faced with referendums to reduce taxes, or put a lid on increases. Illinois has a county option property tax cap of 5 percent or the rate of inflation, whichever is less.
A county board member there predicted that if voters approved the tax cap, they'd never be able to buy another snow plow. School board members predicted teachers would leave in droves. And some claimed the voters could never understand tax caps, leading one morning coffee group of wags to dub themselves “Too Dumb for Tax Caps, Inc.”
Voters approved the cap, teachers didn't leave in droves, the county still plows snow, and (surprise!) the voters weren't too dumb for tax caps.
Here in Wyoming, we enjoy reserve funds that are among the nation's highest – over $40 billion - benefiting the nation's most exclusive (lowest) population, with millions of new revenues from data centers and other industrial developments pouring in.
So if our sheriff's budget drops by $2 million because of Proposition 1, he would need to go no further than his own county board to make up the difference. They're rolling in dough. So rich they recently bought a nine-story office building in Cheyenne that takes up an entire city block. And now they might lay off sheriff's deputies?
I don't think so, Bullwinkle.
What this comes down to is basic services in a time of plenty. Our elected officials like to put bumper stickers on police cars, claiming they were purchased with optional sales tax dollars. But police cars are basic needs that fall under basic budgets, not “nice to haves” funded by optional sales taxes.
Same with a new roof for the county library here, a basic need that should fall under the existing budget, not a frill to be done only if optional sales tax approval allows. (It nevertheless passed in the primary.)
We're even hearing that if we vote for Proposition 1, it might lead to passage of a state income tax here in Wyoming.
Talk about putting a pistol to Cheeseface's head!
Lots of impressive folks have been telling us they will be voting against Proposition 1, and predicting anarchy if homeowners get a break on their residential property taxes.
So, I guess it's OK for me to say I'll be voting FOR Proposition 1.
Because with the kind of money Wyoming has in reserves, there's no reason on earth to put a gun to poor Cheeseface's head.
Dave Simpson can be contacted at DaveSimpson145@hotmail.com
