Rod Miller: Rep. Lauren Boebert -- You Can Take The Girl Out Of The Trailer Park, But…

Columnist Rod Miller writes, "The Grand Old Party would be well -advised, when choosing their spear-carriers to represent the moral high ground when it comes to sex, to find a handmaiden who can keep her knees together, her hands to herself and her thong in place."

Rod Miller

September 20, 20234 min read

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(Cowboy State Daily Staff)

(Warning! Something in this column will probably offend you, and you have been put on notice. Read on.)

The Grand Old Party would be well -advised, when choosing their spear-carriers, cup-bearers and vestal virgins to represent the moral high ground when it comes to sex, to find a handmaiden who can keep her knees together, her hands to herself and her thong in place. Rep. Lauren Boebert probably ain’t that gal.

Boebert got 86ed from a theater full of kids for engaging in raucous foreplay with her date when the lights went down. She denied any inappropriate behavior until night-vision security footage was released that captured the sweaty heavy petting. The viewer can almost smell the scene, even without the scratch-n’sniff app.

Boebert’s public exposure of her inner slut begs the question...Is Rep. Boebert a bona-fide MAGA Mama or just garden variety Western Slope trailer trash? 

Regardless, Lapdancin’ Lauren is doing her bit to expose the hypocrisy of today’s Republican Party. The GOP veneer of Family Values and hormonal restraint, Boebert’s erstwhile cloak, was publicly fingered thin by a very handsy evening in front of a bunch of youngsters. 

Adding a whiff of irony, Boebert’s gropee was a Democrat bar owner who hosts drag shows in his bistro.

Her feet of clay were exposed by public footsie. It looked for all the world that she just closed her eyes and thought of America. And we all got a laugh over it.

But it's no laughing matter when a major political party, the message of which a good chunk of Americans believe, itself believes in a bimbo like Boebert to carry that message. 

Make no mistake, I have no problems whatsoever with sexually exuberant women nor with drag shows. What sticks in my craw is a double standard, the political bait & switch of saying one thing then doing the opposite….you know, hypocrisy.

Boebert’s Beetlejuice bump & grand at the Buell will, unfortunately, be swept under the MAGA rug. She’ll probably still be head cheerleader for the starboard wing of the GOP as long as she parrots their “family values” snake oil and takes a pledge to stop groping commies.

That is the demeaning state of our national politics these days. We elect to Congress those who please our ears with what they say and we forgive them when they behave like pimps, thieves or alley cats in heat.

We have swapped worthy substance for flashy symbol. And we have bought into that confidence game to the extent that we are almost incapable of outrage when those glitzy symbols turn out to be nothing more than cheap back-alley hookers or greedy grifters.

Each time we, as citizens, give a pass to a politician because they publicly wept crocodile tears with their spouse at their side, or did the tired old “fell short of my own values” mea culpa, then we reinforce this national hypocrisy and affirm ourselves as willing participants.

If we as citizens are better than that, as we like to tell ourselves, then we aren’t doing much to prove it. 

If we tolerate double standards and hypocrisy in our elected officials, then we become what we tolerate.

I won’t go so far as to say that, if we put up with boorish public behavior from a trailer park skank just because she has an election certificate, then we’re at risk of becoming a nation of trailer park skanks. That seems like it might be a little harsh.

On the other hand, if the shoe fits..……..

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Rod Miller

Political Columnist