What Is The Price of Tomatoes In Texas?
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By Cowboy State Daily
A reader did not appear to like the topic of a story we published on Cowboy State Daily.
In her protest, she questioned why we wrote it and “what it had to do with the price of tomatoes in Texas?”
We have no idea. So as a public service, we decided to find out.
The price of tomatoes in Texas varies from community to community.
To purchase two pounds of tomatoes in Dallas, it would cost — on average — $2.24.
In Houston, however, it’s a different story. Two pounds would run about $3.40.
An argument might be to travel to Dallas to get tomatoes in order to save money. However, it’s a 239 mile drive from Houston to Dallas.
To get the best bang for the buck, it would seem logical to buy 200 pounds of tomatoes so it’s worth the drive.
At 27 miles per gallon, assuming the driver is in a 2021 Suburban, that would take about 10 gallons because the advertised fuel efficiency usually seems to be exaggerated.
To fill the tank, it would cost roughly $50.
Let’s hope there’s not a parking fee in Dallas. But to be safe, let’s add $8 for that.
Thankfully, we can take Interstate 45 which is not a toll road.
If our cousin Sully is driving, there’s a guarantee of a speeding ticket. So don’t invite Sully.
100 pounds of tomatoes should cost $170. Add $50 for the gas. Add $95 for the Suburban rental.
It would seem like a crime not to stop Woody’s Smokehouse because it’s on the way to Dallas and it’s the jerky capital of the world.
Woody’s has wild hog jerky so get ready to fork over $40 on that.
While in Dallas, it’s always fun to stop by Milo Butterfingers and enjoy a cool one. Blatz is preferred. $2 for the beer. Leave a buck for the bartender. Unless it’s Lenny. Screw him.
If Sully made it, he’ll drink a six pack in nothing flat. That’s $12 more.
He’ll want a pack of smokes for the trip back. He only smokes Parliaments. That’s $7.
Sully stills owes 5-large to the bail bondsman. That needs to be paid. Suck it up and pay it. Sully — eventually — will be good for it.
Traffic is not going to be good heading back.
Consider spending the night at the Motel 6 on the Thornton Freeway. Sure, the Trip Advisor review says “Worst Hotel Experience Ever” but you’ll save money. It’s only $59. Sully can sleep on the floor.
Chances are the Suburban got stolen overnight.
Tomatoes are gone.
Who knows what happened to Sully.
A bus is the only way back to Houston.
That’s $25.
If money is tight, selling blood or plasma is a possibility. It will cover bus fare.
The total cost of tomatoes in Texas was $968 (deducting the $1 tip if Lenny was the bartender).
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